Nights stretch long at this time of year. And sometimes, they weigh heavy, too. In deep winter, I question more, consider longer, and lose resolve. I feel weak, and I am not accustomed to weakness.
What I feel, however, is not new.
From the ends of the earth, I call to you. I call as my heart grows faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.--Psalm 61:2
I cried like a swift or a thrush. I moaned like a mourning dove. My eyes grew weak as I looked to the heavens. I am troubled, O Lord. Come to my aid!--Isaiah 38:14
I remember that life is not turning out the way I planned. I feel alone and helpless, still like a baby when I thought to have figured some of life out. I expected to have gained some wisdom by now, but feel as unsure as ever.
God's message to me hasn't changed, however.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.--Psalm 94:19
Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.--Psalm 55:22
What consolation, I wonder? I am not righteous. What sustenance can you offer, God?
And who is equal to such a task?--2Cor 2:16
Nothing good lives in me, in my sinful nature. I have the desire to do good, but I cannot carry it out.--Romans 7:18
I am a grown woman, but feel like a helpless child. Wisdom flies from me and I can't find the answers I need so badly.
This is the important part:
My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.--2Corinthians 12:9
When Jesus saw the faith of the paralytic, He said to him:
Take heart, son, your sins are forgiven.--Matthew 9:2
When He saw that the woman who had bled for twelve years looked for healing in only the hem of His robe, He said:
Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you.--Matthew 9:22
You know that I am weak, Lord. But You come in the very weakest hour. You look for my faith and the instant You see it, lift me up. In the flesh, I am bare, completely uncovered, without protector. But You cover me. My only unreserved attachment must be to You. Life falls short. Neither husbands nor children nor aspirations fill the void. But as I look to You, You do. Only faith, by sheer grace, makes us well.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods. With singing lips I will praise You. On my bed I will remember You. I think of You through the watches of the night.--Psalm 63:5-6
The night still covers me. I am still unaccustomed to weakness, but God is enough.