I'm just coming off two and a half weeks of flu and, whenever something hits that hard, I wonder why.
And that it should come now, at the beginning of a new year, at precisely the time when I'm setting goals and gearing up, well...I wonder doubly.
It is only now, as the illness begins to release its hold, that I start to get a glimpse.
For the first time in long memory, my whole life had to stop.
I was too sick to do anything, go anywhere, even talk to anyone.
I didn't clean, or shop, or cook, or go to the gym.
I didn't write.
I sat. I stared. If I felt halfway decent, I read a book.
And I thought.
Why?
Now, at nearly the end of it, I think I know.
For the last years, I have told God I wanted more.
More of His intended life, more from my life in the body of Christ, more of Him.
And, to that end, I have picked up and put down goals and activities.
I have read and studied.
I have kept my eyes open and attentive.
I have prayed.
But I missed what was happening.
I didn't see the cage begin to turn, to pick up speed, to whir and rush.
I didn't see that I was in it.
Carried in a flood of sacrificial activity. Lost in the constant whoosh of wind.
Then it stopped. It had to. I had no choice.
I said no. And no again. And again.
Until nothing was left.
And I found it.
I found His hand.
Reaching from the emptied place.
Where He'd always waited.
And it was full of the more.
Thank you, God, for the flu.
For it is: Do ,and do, do and do, rule on rule, rule on rule, a little here, a little there...God will speak to His people, but they would not listen. Isaiah 28:10-12
Be still and know that I am God.--Psalm 46:10
See Sandra Heska King's How Clutter Makes Us Fat
Rejoicing with you for the stillness and quiet that He has brought into your life...may you find peace and direction there :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marty. That is my prayer too.
DeleteThank you for a beautiful post, and true words.
ReplyDeleteA hard lesson, Mrs.P. One I've had to learn more than once, unfortunately. The blessing is in the learning and how wonderful it is that He cares to teach us. Have a blessed week ahead!
ReplyDeleteI've been here more than once, too. It's the rat race that keeps getting me. Maybe this sweet time will finally sink in.
DeleteSometimes even illness can be a blessing in disguise. I'm glad you're feeling better now, though!
ReplyDeleteVisiting from Spiritual Sundays
No kidding. Didn't think I'd be giving thanks for the flu. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteYes! I have thanked God for the flu, too, and for exactly the same reasons. Now, if we can just stay well and quiet at the same time!! :)
ReplyDeleteWell and quiet at the same time. Yes. Now, that's the ticket.
DeleteOh, my friend. This so resonates! I was telling someone today about serving at an outreach in our downtown with kids of all colors and no faith and how hard it is to not beDOING something to serve. The leader's wife told me, "Jody, just show up." God giveus grace to just show up in your Presence and be still.
ReplyDeleteJust show up. Why in the world is this so hard to get?
DeleteAw yes; I have learned that always wishing for more takes away our thankfulness and gratitude for everything we have been blessed with and steels our energy away from being fully alive and positive. Realizing that God is enough changes our perspective; our attitudes can change from a desire to wanting everything to accepting His provisions and power to live for Him!
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my place; glad you are on the road to recovery!
Blessings and love,
Denise
Wishing for more is not all bad, as long as that 'more' is Christ and we don't ignore the 'now' while we're looking for it...
DeleteSome of my greatest thinking and reading has come during times of sickness. I can relate. It's why I've started observing Sabbath, why I think so many have joined me for the Surrendering to Sabbath Society. We need to stop to listen and rest to return to the people He created us to be. Hope you are feeling better now.
ReplyDeleteHadn't thought of this in terms of Sabbath-keeping. Food for thought, though. Thanks.
DeleteI had the flu for two weeks, too, and I learned some very similar lessons as you.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are feeling better, Joanne
And you, ma'am. It's a stinker, isn't it?
DeleteIt's terrible to be sick, but how amazing that you learned such a beautiful lesson from your suffering! God is in all of it, if we are only able to look and listen. Your story is inspiring!
ReplyDeleteI have spent the last 8 months down. (strange unexplained symptoms) I'm tired of it, it stinks, I ask why... a lot. But I KNOW that God has used the time to get my attention. When you have no where else to go, nothing else to do... Well you said it best.
ReplyDeleteThen it stopped. It had to. I had no choice.
I said no. And no again. And again.
Until nothing was left.
And I found it.
I found His hand.
Reaching from the emptied place.
Where He'd always waited.
And it was full of the more.
I have a scripture board. Basically a bit white board where I write all that wonderful stuff God speaks to me and then 5 seconds later I forget. Well it goes on the board so I can remember it. This may have to go on the board. Thanks for the reminder. I am struggling to come out of a self dug pit. Thanks for a little piece of rope to grab on to.
Sarah:
DeleteI'd like to talk more to you about this. You are in the same place that so many of us are. I wonder whether we are supposed to be helping one another? Is there a way I can contact you privately?
Never mind. I found it. Check your email when you can..
Delete