Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Walking up the Hill
God already knows what I want, of course, but I tell Him anyway. When life gets tough, I pray...
"Please, God, let my son grow into a man, a man after your own heart."
"Please, God, let my husband not have cancer."
And God can say "No."
He can say, "I will do with your son as I see fit." or "It's time for your husband to come home to me."
"No, please....No, God."
That's when the problem expands from the situation itself to the condition of my own heart. Is this my crisis of faith? Am I lukewarm because I want one alternative over the other?
Then I remember Jesus:
My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me.--Matthew 26:39
Jesus had a preference for outcome, too. His body did not want to suffer either, and we share the same kind of bloody, heartbeating flesh. My humanity, like His, longs for ease and communion.
Wanting these is not the crisis of faith. The crisis comes not in the wanting, but in the response--the ability to say, like Jesus did,
Yet not as I will, but as You will.--Matthew 26:39
Ease and good fortune have their eyes focused on earth. My sweet God wants me to look higher and when I do, I find, like Him, the joy set before me. Then, with Christ beside and my eyes fixed resolutely on my own Calvary, I can walk up the hill.