For my own sanity, I have to admit that I am suffering—and not able
to appreciate every day the privilege of caring for Dave. There is
frustration, too—the disappointment of lost abilities and canceled
plans, the contradiction of how he looks and sounds with what he
says, the weariness of all that needs to be done.
I am almost always tired. I would like to say that it is not the
sacrifice that wearies me, but sometimes it is. Bryan is coming home
this weekend so I can go to Milwaukee and that much is good, but
there is anxiety in being away, too.
I want it to be over.
I want him back healthy.
I will not get what I want.
So what is the purpose of this place? I am in school—God’s
school. I am learning empathy, obedience, patience, unselfishness. I
am learning to seek pleasure in and hope for what is promised rather
than what is happening. This is my training. This is my war. I did
not earn it, but it is given me for my betterment by God. If I am to
succeed, I must find firm purchase in Him alone.
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