Restless and tense two nights running. Afraid of the future.
Dave starting another round of physical rehab next week, and talking
to Zach and Jeremy about remodeling the bathroom in five or six
months. Will he be alive in 6 months? Will he be able to use the
downstairs bathroom at all during the construction? Even listening
to Bryan’s fitful sleep, his snoring, scares me. Anyone visiting,
even family, outside our accustomed circle unnerves me.
I want it to be over. I don’t want it to be over.
Dave’s sister Audrey, after having lost her own husband, looks so worn.
Tired of coping. What wore her out? What came before or today’s
grief? Probably both. And I’ve started planning for what comes
after already. Is that wrong? I hope not. I do know that it sometimes
settles me a little. I just don’t want to have to face it all
later, afterward.
But I don’t have to figure it all out today. I can have a short
term plan too—like making breakfast, painting the new pantry door,
and watching the Packers tonight. It’s doable. Maybe I’ll try to
nap.
And I have to trust God for everything else.
Image: flckr.com
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